tip of the day don’t vacuum with ear phones in because i just finished vacuuming the whole house only to realise it wasn’t even on
Today I explained to a guy what shipping is
In the beginning he was quiet but when I started to panic he smiled and said: “it’s really cute that people see love everywhere, even if it’s not officially there.”
the second we are born we start dying.
So this is not life, this is death.
if a number is not divisible by 5 or 2 i get very uncomfortable
I found this too funny
my sim befriended the grim reaper when her roommate died in a fire and now she’s graduating from university and so i invited the grim reaper to the ceremony and when he came he had to change into formal clothing and this is what he looked like
omfg I called my mom’s phone so I could tell them I wanted mcdonalds but she didn’t answer her phone and then all of a sudden our house phone rings and I assumed that it was her calling back so when I answered it I yelled “PLEASE BUY ME MCDONALDS” and the person on the phone goes “um……this is t-mobile”
if your girlfriend is cold, be a gentleman. put her in the oven for 40 minutes on 350. check often and serve plain or with white gravy
Teacher: Can I see your homework?
Me: Haha no way loser do your own